Trusting my choices

Over a year ago I made a conscious decision to start backing myself. To commit 100% to the things that feel right in my life, and let go of those that don’t. It was at this time that I turned down a job offer and began writing full time. That was the beginning of October and by December 31st I had finished my first draft of Olivia Moss & Ty Collins VS the World.

With every choice I made throughout the writing process I told myself to trust that I knew what I was doing. All those years of studying and writing absolutely shocking stories had taught me how to write. I had to trust that I knew how to do it and that I was making the right choices to craft my novel.

I applied this to every aspect of my life; people, food, and even which TV shows to continue watching after the first episode. This was important for me because for a long time I didn’t trust myself. I stayed in jobs I didn’t want for too long, relationships that didn’t make me happy, let myself be treated horribly when I knew I deserved better, and turned down opportunities that scared me, when I knew these changes would build the life I wanted. Every time I did any of these things I felt like a failure. I knew what I wanted and needed better than anyone. Why did I keep making choices that went against what my gut was telling me?

I don’t have an answer to this. All I know is that once I started listening to myself, my whole world began to change. There are no more toxic people in my life. No days where I dread getting out of bed. I have an entire manuscript that’s been redrafted and edited more times than I can remember. I’m closer to the life I want for myself then I ever was before.

That’s why I’m going to continue to back myself. I’m going to do what I need to for me and trust the choices I make. At the end of the day, no one else has to live my life but me; why should my choices have anything to do with anyone but myself? With a deep breath I’m taking the plunge and preparing myself for 2017. The year I continue to do things for me, because I’m the one living with these choices. I’m the one who’s going to be living the life I’ve only ever dreamed of because I know how to get everything I want.

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